


A Life Without You

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, the lightest of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14029032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: Sonny Carisi was only meant to be a fling, a bit of fun, something to relieve the stress of work and life. He was easy to be around, and always eager to please, and the things he could do with his mouth-- Nonetheless, it was casual. She would call, and he would come around with a bottle of wine, and he’d start on her before the bottle was even half gone.But now, with the possibility of him being dead, she was hit with the realisation that, somewhere along the way, it had come to be more than that. Somewhere along the way, she had developed real, genuine feelings for the young detective. As she tried to picture what her life would be like without his dimpled smiles and home-cooked pastries and effortless charm and endless kindness, her stomach twisted and churned, and she felt her eyes sting. Suddenly the thought of a life without Sonny Carisi was simply unbearable. When did that happen?





	A Life Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Astronaut_Milky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACIIIIII!!!!
> 
> Thanks to tobeconspicuous for the beta :)

“You didn’t hear? There was a shooting at the sixteenth.”

 

It was a voice that was lost immediately in the crowd of people filing out of the courtroom Rita Calhoun was trying to pass, it had been clear as day, as though the words were intended for her. She felt her stomach swoop, if something horrible had happened she would have heard about it by now.

 

She pushed her way through the throng of people toward the ladies room. As she sat down, she heard the door swing open, a voice trailing in with, “...I heard a young policeman was shot.”

 

“Yeah, the cute one,” the other woman replied. “The one with the dimples.”

 

“Oh, I know the one you mean. Poor thing,” the first woman replied with a soft click of her tongue.

 

Rita stood quickly, flushing the toilet before barging out the door, questions on the tip of her tongue, but it was too late, the women had already left.

 

She was on her way out of the elevator, desperately dialing Sonny’s voicemail for the second time, when she found D’Angelo blocking her way. His mouth was twisted into something that vaguely resembled a smile.

 

“Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” He asked as she’d moved around him.

 

She turned to face him, eyes narrowed, her heart pounding against her ribcage. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Last I heard, your boy toy was bleeding out outside the sixteenth.”

 

She was sure her heart stopped and time slowed down around her as she fumbled with her phone, she stared down at the two unanswered calls in her call log. When she looked back up, she wanted to punch the almost pitying look D’Angelo was giving her. He was the only one that knew about her and Sonny. He’d walked in on her crowding the detective’s space in a secluded corridor, her thigh pressed firmly between Sonny’s legs, his lips parted and face flushed, as she whispered all the things she was planning to do to him that night, and D’Angelo made it his life mission to tease her about it at every opportunity.

 

“Do you know which hospital?” She asked, mortified at how small she sounded.

 

He shrugged, the look of pity more pronounced as he tilted his head in her direction before stepping into the elevator. “Mt Sinai West, I think.”

 

She had to resist the urge to run as she made her way outside to hail a cab. Images of Sonny Carisi soaked in blood, pale and lifeless on the pavement, filled her mind. Her nausea grew. The cab ride seemed to take entirely too long, and each time she reached Sonny’s voicemail, her chest became inexplicably tighter.

 

As the cab pulled up, she already had one leg out the door, having thrown far too much money through the divide. If it weren’t for the adrenaline pumping through her veins and the desperate need to know he was okay, she was sure she wouldn’t be able to stand. Her head was spinning and the air around her felt too thick to breathe.

 

“Was a Detective Dominick Carisi brought in?” She asked in a rush, planting her hands on the reception desk as she tried to take enough air into her lungs.

 

“Just a moment,” the woman said gently, flashing her a reassuring smile. “Can I ask who you are?”

 

“I’m his girlfriend,” Rita snapped.

 

She wasn’t sure when she’d decided that, but it was out now. Sonny Carisi was only meant to be a fling, a bit of fun, something to relieve the stress of work and life. He was easy to be around, and always eager to please, and the things he could do with his mouth-- Nonetheless, it was casual. She would call, and he would come around with a bottle of wine, and he’d start on her before the bottle was even half gone.

 

But now, with the possibility of him being dead, she was hit with the realisation that, somewhere along the way, it had come to be more than that. Somewhere along the way, she had developed real, genuine feelings for the young detective. As she tried to picture what her life would be like without his dimpled smiles and home-cooked pastries and effortless charm and endless kindness, her stomach twisted and churned, and she felt her eyes sting. Suddenly the thought of a life without Sonny Carisi was simply unbearable.  _ When did that happen? _

 

“He’s been moved to a recovery room off of ED. Just down the hall there, then to your right, room 119,” the receptionist said with a cheery smile, pointing her down the hall.

 

Rita nodded her thanks, barely resisting the urge to run again as she rushed down the corridor. 

 

Without even thinking, she burst through the door. Her eyes raked over Olivia and Detective Rollins who were both standing at the end of the bed, before resting on Sonny. Her beautiful, perfect Sonny, who looked so pale and so tired, eye bags more pronounced than she had ever seen them. Pale, and tired, but undeniably alive and awake and well. She felt like she could finally breathe again, and almost lost her balance as oxygen reached her head for the first time in about an hour.

 

She ignored the shocked look Olivia was throwing her, and the questioning look Rollins was giving Sonny, as she strode towards the bed, her head held high.

 

He was propped up in a seated position, with the blanket thrown off him. He was still wearing his navy slacks and a white singlet, but there was nothing but a blood-soaked gauze covering the wound on his arm as it rested in its sling. She felt dizzy at the sight of it, but she couldn’t quite tear her eyes away.

 

“Rita?” He asked softly, reaching out to take her hand.

 

“I thought you were dead,” she whispered, voice embarrassingly thick.

 

He laughed lightly, pulling her towards him just a little. “Barely even got me,” he said quietly, giving her hand a squeeze.

 

“I thought...I didnt…I thought--”

 

“Hey,” he breathed out, reaching up to tilt her head away from his wound and towards his own eyes, thumb lightly brushing over her lips. “I’m okay. I’m fine. The bullet only grazed my arm. Seven stitches. I’m fine.”

 

She stared at him for a long moment, lip quivering as her vision blurred over with tears. She took a deep breath in and tilted her head back, blinking the tears away before she looked at him again.

 

“Don’t scare me like that again,” she whispered, leaning in to cup his face in her hands.

 

“Careful, people might start to think you have a heart.” His voice was teasing, but his eyes were soft as he gazed up at her.

 

“I love you.” The words were out of her mouth before she’d even considered them.

 

Sonny looked shocked for a moment, but then he was grinning, a dopy lopsided smile lighting up his face before he leaned up to press a kiss to her cheek. “I love you too.”

 

“Shit, really?” Rollins questioned, voice incredulous.

 

“Yeah, really,” Sonny said defiantly, turning his gaze to where Olivia and Rollins were still standing, looks of complete shock on their faces.

 

Rita felt her face grow red as she pulled away from Sonny, letting her hands fall to her sides.

 

“You mean this is who you’ve been spending your time with when you ditch me?” Rollins teased, causing Sonny to roll his eyes.

 

“Come on, Rollins,” Olivia said quietly as she opened the door. “Let’s go grab a coffee.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rollins said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes before closing the door behind her.

 

An uncomfortable silence hung between them, but Rita’s heart was still pounding in her chest and her legs felt weak after her adrenaline spike.

 

“I thought I was just a bit of fun,” Sonny teased softly, reaching for her hand again.

 

“You are. You were.”

 

“What changed?”

 

“I thought I’d lost you,” she admitted, forcing herself to make eye contact, to not be afraid, to be entirely honest and to look him in the eye while she did it. “I thought of my life without you in it, and I couldn’t…” She broke off, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak.

 

“Hey,” he said softly, moving so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs either side of her. “I’m okay.”

 

“Yes, well I know that now,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But the last thing I heard was you were bleeding out outside the precinct.”

 

“Hardly,” he scoffed. “Christ, you lawyers like to gossip.”

 

“You’re telling me the entire NYPD won’t know about us by tomorrow morning?” she asked with arched eyebrows.

 

He laughed as he wound his free arm around her back, grinning up at her before pressing his head against her chest. Her hands came up, ghosting feather-light over the gauze on his arm before she ran her fingers into his hair.

 

“I can’t believe you love me,” he teased, tracing meaningless patterns on her back.

 

“Shut up,” she muttered, though even she could hear the fondness in her own voice.


End file.
